If, as the song by Three Dog Night goes, “One is the loneliest number that you’ll ever do. Two can be as bad as one”....
The number two, though, should be its antidote.
But is it?
Given that the smallest social unit is 2, how do 2 people negotiate and keep on track? How do they know how to do this? How do they learn how to do this? Look at the subtitle of this book: ‘Secrets to a Strong & Loving Marriage’. The author dedicates the book to her husband, whom she calls her ‘loving soulmate’, so these two have probably personally tested out and utilize what Dr. Heitler writes in this book (along with her couple’s therapy session clients)!
This 1997 soft-cover book of 295 pages has many shaded areas and some tables to draw attention to important concepts. New Harbinger Publications, Inc. is the publisher.
I don’t have a professional background in psychology, but I have taken numerous courses in educational psychology and sociolinguistics, for my degrees. I have to deal with psychology and sociology, professionally, when I teach my classes. Added into this are cultural, international, and the dealing with mixtures of students within one classroom, in which I use cooperative learning.
At home with my husband, we have used this book as a complement of what we both do professionally and the forms of psychologies that we both use in our different fields. (We also have multi-cultural perspectives that influence our thinking and actions.) And we read and follow Dr. Stephen R. Covey’s work, which involves another different form of identifying and resolving problems.
The Power of Two has 2 pre-Chapter sections: 1. ‘Acknowledgements’, and 2. ‘Introduction’.
Next, come the 14 Chapters arranged between 3 parts:
Part I: The Basics of Collaborative Dialogue
Chapter 1: ‘Secrets to Talking‘;
Chapter 2: ‘Secrets to Listening‘;
Chapter 3: ‘Secrets to Dialogue‘;
Part II: Dealing with Differences
Chapter 4: ‘Fix-it Talk‘;
Chapter 5: ‘Anger as a Stop Sign‘;
Chapter 6: ‘Receiving Anger without Fighting‘;
Chapter 7: ‘After Upsets, Cleanup Procedures‘;
Chapter 8: ‘Shared Decision Making‘;
Chapter 9: ‘Conflict Resolution’;
Chapter 10: ‘Out-of-Bounds and Fools‘;
Part III: Making a Good Relationship Great
Chapter 11: ‘Supporting Each Other‘;
Chapter 12: ‘Emotional and Sexual Intimacy‘; and
Chapter 13: ‘Making Your House a Loving Home‘.
Note that each Chapter has a number of different subsections. Chapter 1 has the following subsections: a. ‘Say it, b. ‘Verbalize feelings’, c. ‘No trespassing’, and d. ‘No polluting’. Buy the book to read all of the subsections of the rest of the Chapters.
There is 1 post-Chapter section: ‘Bibliography’.
In sum, Part I defines collaborative dialogue; Part II discusses dealing with differences; and Part III deals with maintaining a good relationship and making it great.
Compared to Dr. Stephen R. Covey’s books, for example, The Power of Two is a little more clinical because Dr. Heitler is a therapist, but this book isn’t dry or difficult to understand. Covey’s books are also written from a business and family perspective that is also cooperative.
For most people, Susan Heitler’s book might be more difficult to understand and use in their lives without professional counseling. However, this book is a good read.
Because I read a variety of books in ranges of certain topics, this book has a place in my library and it should have a place in yours, too, if you are interested in engaging in a collaborative dialogue with your spouse, dealing with personal differences, and turning a good relationship into one that is great.
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About the author
A practical guide for a better marriage
My husband and I used this book to resolve our conflicts through Heitler's easy-to-understand guidelines that help to defuse anger and lead to understanding each other better. She used examples of how other couples improved communication that are clear and easy to remember. We integrated them into our day-to-day conversations and we both developed a deeper understanding of how the other person feels. When we both focus on that, fights don't escalate. The change in our marriage was profound and we are forever grateful to Susan Heitler for writing The Power of Two. I have given it as a gift to many of my friends and family.
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- Reviewed in the United States on March 13, 2018
- Reviewed in the United States on October 5, 2023
- Reviewed in the United States on June 27, 2016
- Reviewed in the United States on February 1, 2022
My husband and I used this book to resolve our conflicts through Heitler's easy-to-understand guidelines that help to defuse anger and lead to understanding each other better. She used examples of how other couples improved communication that are clear and easy to remember. We integrated them into our day-to-day conversations and we both developed a deeper understanding of how the other person feels. When we both focus on that, fights don't escalate. The change in our marriage was profound and we are forever grateful to Susan Heitler for writing The Power of Two. I have given it as a gift to many of my friends and family.
A practical guide for a better marriage
Reviewed in the United States on February 1, 2022
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- Reviewed in the United States on February 2, 2016
- Reviewed in the United States on May 14, 2018
Top reviews from other countries
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Excellent book that really helps you to see
